I am the Sneezasaurus Rex, coo coo Ahh-CHOO

Screw allergies.

When I go to the doctor and they ask “Do you have any allergies?”, I have to clamp my mouth shut. In my head, I scream, “YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I HAVE ALLERGIES, I SNEEZE MY GODDAMNED HEAD OFF BECAUSE OF DUST AND OLIVE TREE POLLEN!”

But I don’t say that because they’re not asking about the kind of those allergies.  Those are, however, the allergies that I do have and the allergies I’m talking about today.

For most people, allergies are an annoyance, they hit a person with some sinus congestion and a sprinkling of sneezes throughout the day. Stuffy with a chance of sneezy. Not for me. For me, when the allergy-storm hits bad I am literally incapacitated for at least 24 hours. I recently posted an amusing gif of Chris Pratt’s character from TV Show Parks & Recreation sneezing repeatedly with the comment “Me, literally.” And I meant literally.

See, when my allergies hit, they come on like a motherfucking Katrina-level hurricane. I’ve had days where I went through multiple boxes of tissues and/or multiple rolls of toilet paper. Blood vessels burst. Skin is chafed well beyond raw. My nose bleeds from inside and from out. And the next day, when the sneezing is 80% done? My nose begins to heal like a sensitive, scab-covered sore.  

That’s when the pressure starts. Sometimes, I sneeze so much during an active attack that I don’t have time for real pressure to build up. But when the sneezing is done? It’s eye-throbbing, spike-in-the-skull-with-a-hammer, give-me-the-electric-drill kind of irritating pain that Motrin, Tylenol and Aleve COMBINED can’t even scratch.

Sure, I can take allergy medicine, and I do. But sometimes the Claritin, Flonase and Sudafed cocktail is completely useless. Or, at least, it feels useless. Drugged up like that and still having triple-sneezing fits every two minutes feels useless.

While I’m SOOOO not an anti-drug person, I’m pretty damn sure taking all that shit at once is not good for me, but what choice do I have? I take it all in an effort to stay productive, so I can walk out the door and drive to work without worrying if I’m going to have a massive sneezing fit that makes me wreck my car.

On one hand, it feels a little silly ranting about sneezing allergies. It feels a little silly worrying that a sneeze could make me have an accident with my car. But I’ve had sneezing fits that last for multiple minutes, and I’m not exaggerating, Sneezing fits with my eyes closed and my head uncontrollably bobbing up and down like a fast-repeating automatic shotgun.

I know this post has nothing to do with SF or Fantasy or anything else. It’s just a rant. It’s just my way of letting out a bit of frustration without shoving a red-hot poker into my sinuses in the hopes of searing them into silence.  

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