I wanted to try something a little different and a little fun this week. I’ve seen other authors post faux interviews with characters from their books and whatnot. While I think this is a cute idea, I also thought it was a little out of character for my characters. Instead, a bit of setup for Scarlett Raven, which is available on Amazon in ebook and should be available in print shortly. So, without further ado, I give you the transcript from Dax’s most recent employment interview.
Employment Video Interview Transcript
Administered by Hanston Human Resources, International for the CyberBio Corporation position of Systems Programming Engineer, Grade 1.
Subject: Daniel Lewis
Interviewer: Carolyn Hanston.
———————— Begin Transcript ————————
CH: Now, Mr. Lewis, I’m going to record this, is that okay with you?
DL: Uh, sure. I mean, it is a video interview, right? You can’t exactly really do it as a video interview unless you record it. Though, I suppose you do it as a direct wireless, or wired as the case may be, feed to someone in the other room. Though, if you did that, why not in a room with a one-way mirror? Wouldn’t that be easier? But maybe that would be too much like an interroga—
CH: Mr. Lewis, for the record, please state your name and the position you are applying for.
DL: Uh, okay. Um. Dax, er… Daniel Lewis. And, um… uh, Chief Programming Officer?
CH: That’s not a thing, Mr. Lewis.
DL: It’s not? Oh. Well, it should be. Then, um, whatever the job is on the screen there.
CH: Systems Programming Engineer, Grade 1?
DL: Yeah, that. Programming. That’s what I do. Grade 1, huh? Pretty awesome. Starting at number one. Yep, next step is that CPO job, right?
CH: Grade 1 is the junior level programmer, Mr. Lewis.
DL: What? Junior? No way. That’s BS.
CH: Let the record show that Mr. Lewis has stood up and is leaving the room. He’s opened the door, but Project Lead Reasearcher, Scarlett Angelise is standing in the doorway..
SA: Sit your ass back down, Dax. You’re taking a legit job.
DL: Seriously? A junior grade programmer? Not even worth my time.
SA: It’s the only one available. You take what you can get.
DL: Oh, but not for the great Scarlett Ange—
SA: Shut your piehole and sit down.
DL: Fine. Yes, Grade 1.
CH: Um. Okay, let’s continue then. Your resumé is a little sparse on details, would you tell us the name of your previous employer’s company?
DL: Valery Zinchenko
CH: Yes, that’s what your resumé says, but we couldn’t find a company by that name.
DL: He was a person, not a company. He was a Russian Mob—er, independent businessman. I, uh, subcontracted my programming services to him for, uh, digital security and bookkeeping. Yeah.
CH: Digital security?
DL: Well, yeah. We, uh, performed testing services on various digital infrastructures for, erm, vulnerabilities? Yeah. That’s it.
CH: Can we note any of your clients?
DL: Clients? Um. Well, the thing is…uh, no. They’re uh, classified. Yeah, classified.
CH: Alright, and the bookkeeping?
DL: Well…You could say that I built custom financial systems to keep track and clean, no… um, keep track and disseminate Mr. Zinchenco’s liquidity into various philanthropic and business interests.
CH: Uh-huh. And you held that position for…how long?
DL: Three years.
CH: And before that?
DL: Well, before that I pretty much just did little odd programming jobs here and there, nothing consistent.
CH: So, you were freelance?
DL: Yes. Freelance.
CH: Okay then. Now, we’d like to give you a test. There’s a terminal in front of you. We’ve set it up with a bit of our code. Our Digital Infrastructure Supervising Lead has included a series of bugs in the selected code you have here. We’d like you to find as many of the bugs as you can. You have ten minutes.
DL: This terminal?
DL: Huh. Okay. <Sound of knuckles cracking.> Okay. Done.
CH: I’m sorry?
DL: I said I’m done.
CH: But you only looked at the code for five minutes.
DL: Yeah, and? I mean, I found twenty-seven errors in the code. There’s not much more room for anymore.
DL: Well, Okay. Twenty-three. The other four were just inefficiencies.
CH: But, our lead programmer said there were fourteen.
DL: <Laughing> Well, I’m sorry to say your lead programmer is an idiot.
Project Programming Lead, Barry Kunjab has joined the interview.
BK: What the shit is this? You some kind of smartass?
DL: Huh? Well, generally, yes, but not for this. Scarlett said that would be inappropriate.
BK: Give me that terminal. You’re full of crap. There’s not tw—nineteen, twenty…sonofabitch. Twenty-three coding errors. And four…Damn. Never would have thought of that. Or that. Or, what the Hell? Ohhhh. I see. Well, uh… it just so happens these were in our next version that’s coming out next week.
DL: Sure it was.
BK: You calling me a liar?
DL: No. You’re going to be my boss, right? That would be inappropriate.
BK: <Laughing> Your boss? Over my dead body, asshole. You will never work for me. In fact, I would rather quit than work in the same building as a smug, smart-assed little punk like you.
Barry Kunjab has left the interview.
CH: Alright, well, in that case, I think the interview is over?
DL: Oh, okay. Well, it was nice to meet you. I look forward to taking the next steps, whatever that means.
CH: Um, okay.
DL: I think that went well.
CH: Really? Um, I mean my assistant will take you back to the lobby.
Mr. Lewis has left the interview.
CH: Wow. As my grandmother used to say, I can’t even.
Scarlett Angelise and Sven Berglund have joined the interview.
SA: Well, that went better than I expected, to be honest.
SB: He really is that good?
SA: Yes. I can’t tell you how many times he’s saved my ass.
SB: And you can keep him under control?
SA: Define under control. I mean, yeah. I can keep him from destroying anything. Anything important. And, I’ll keep him away from the investors. No one will ever need to see him.
SB: Alright then. I guess it’s settled.
CH: Scarlett Angelise and Sven Berglund are leaving the interview. Wait, what? What about Barry?
SB: Well, if he really feels that way, then I guess we have an opening for a new Digital Infrastructure Supervising Lead.
CH: <Sound of door closing> REALLY?